March 21st, 2006: From Daze to Days

I'm having a very rough start this morning. Tired, and have a migraine from the other side. The weather is cold and bleary and I was so looking forward to warm and sunny.Tonight we have our weekly meeting of the minds. Confusion will ensue. I always walk away from these sessions so confused. I used to know what was right, wrong, felt good, felt bad. I never saw myself as an unfocused, undecisive person. I feel like the whole world is being blamed on me and yet they keep telling me that the world doesn't revolve around me and that I shouldn't be involved. But I feel like I'm fighting for the right to help others and to take on responsibility in areas that this wasn't even a question in for me before. I am a big sister, I have duties and resposibilities to my sibs, UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. It didn't go away when I moved out, the environment just changed. You fight to protect and keep whole your first family. Ugh, I'm already getting myself worked up just trying to figure how to explain to these two what it means to have responsibilities that you cherish.Thumpa, thumpa, goes my head....