March 20th, 2007: I'm so regular :)

Hello,

I haven't been by to relate any thoughts here of late. I have been "there" of late. But anyhow the big news. Last night I came in the house and in the "foyer" I saw, to my total dismay, a snake. Yes, A SNAKE.

Now you would think that with 3 healthy, aggressive, happy, hunting felines in the house it would have been a DEAD SNAKE. It was only 14 inches long, and about a pencil width wide. Baby snake. But no, they had decided Mommy would remove the New Pet. Or they were bored, or so freaking lazy that as long as it wasn't in their food bowl, no chomping would occur.

So after determing that the snake was ALIVE. I actually reached down to pick it up, it thought and said , "HELL NO" and conveyed this to me via body language and baby "hissssp". Yes, my snake had a lisp. I decided implements were VERY necessary.

The cats were still not helping and no longer even interested. 2 of 3 had gone back to bed. The third was begging for attention...gah. So I went to the kitchen, very fast and retreived the long tongs and a sticky roll on s stick design to remove cat fur. It's made of soft rubber so he wouldn't get any sticky on him, or worse, get stuck to the sticky roll. I tried long the LONG handled sticky roll thing first. Ummm, it didn't stick. He said "Hissssp", and proceeded to snake walk across the hallway. Not a good development. So then I looked at the much shorter long tongs and decided I didn't want to know if he had baby teeth. He kept striking at me before hissssping. I could tell he wasn't the normal grass snake you find on the lawn all the damn time. He was brown and had little tiny markings. I wasn't willing to get close enough to investigate the exact pattern.

So then I flipped over the sticky thing because being crafty and all I had fashioned a hanger tip on it so I could hang it up in the broom closet. Any way, we Mr. baby snake and I, attempted to help each other out by balancing on the end of the hanger part. I'd pick him up, he'd fall down (2-3 inches), then he'd hisssp and scooch about 12 inches DIRECTLY AT ME. We were getting further from the door. Not good. So i'd politely poke him towards the door again, and we'd attempt it again. Thump. Hisssp. Scooch. We did this about six times before he decided it was nappy time and curled into the cutest little circles, I then hooked him and moved him over the threshold and out the damn door. Hisssp, and scooch into the house. I tried explaning that he didn't want to live here, and that I didn't want him to live here, and that he was damn well going OUT!

He cuddled back into sleep mode. I hooked him again and this time got him 3 feet out the door, I was sure I could out run him into the house. I DID!!!!! And I asked him to please not send his Mommy over to talk to me about it.

Now just so you know, there were NO SNAKES HARMED in this adventure. He was really kinda cute, but I knew he would have been a cat appetizer before sunrise. At least I hoped. But as far as I know, he is now plotting to get back in the house. That was my adventure.

Also, I am now actively looking for snakes in my house. This is very unsettling. Damn lazy cats.

Ciao.