Sometimes I forget that you aren’t my friend......

You know when you lie to me about where you've been ....
WHO you have been doing.......and when.
You do realise it doesn't matter anymore right? What matters is honesty. Telling me the truth or not saying anything at all. Because, hey, you already got to stomp on it once...shame on me. There already were second chances, and thirds, and guess what??!?!? No more. That Game is over.
So here are the new rules.......Don't bother to lie to me. You aren't very good at it and don't surround me with your play things (myspace - please delete me). I'm embarassed to know you in public, and I'm saddened by that fact alone.
You know how being with the person you love is supposed to make you stronger? Well when it goes wrong, it seems to turn into self hatred and humiliation. I don't want you that close to me, where someone might see us together.
All that....I will love you for the person you WERE. But he got swallowed and replaced with THIS guy. I will treasure the many happy years we had and keep trying to learn from the others. But I will be going down that path with someone new. Someone who will appreciate me for the good, loving, and caring person I am. Who will be attracted to me for the whole package. Someone not looking for the anti-me. So I'll feel okay being older, not as slim, and myself. Also....I'm not as ugly as you make me feel.
So glad you had a good weekend, seems like you had a nice time in Dallas. I'm sure the shopping was great, and thanks for the "after glow" phone call full of lies......Seriously, that's just rude.

P.S. Karma is a bitch...didja' feel that smack? Nope, not from me.....

The latest of Indignities...

Okay, so it turns out I couldn't live on my own for financial reasons. So Mr. Y and I discussed it ans I'm moving back in for financial reasons. However, there is a catch...always is a little favor usually costs a pound of flesh and this time is no different. One of the escorts he bought and banged and who won't sleep with him anymore is moving in to. Yup, I said it, I am going to move in second after an escort. Awkward much? Can't get over the overwhelming desire to punch her and HIM in the face. Hard. Like break bones and possibly shove the bone into their brains hard. You know, that red freaking' hot rage type of hard? I think they would call this pre-meditated, but I swear...it wouldn't be. It would be so perfect in the moment. I'm having problems imagining the depths I have to bury my emotions to deal with this situation. I need to type more later. In case you can't tell, I have been trying to bury my thoughts in VODKA. I think I hate him for this.......forever. I'll edit more later. But I had to try and get some out...you understand ...you are still "attracted" to me.
Ciao.

Today Sissy went to Heaven

My baby kitty Sissy went to heaven today. She got really sick really fast and her kidneys shut down. I spent a long and loving night with her and this morning the vet said she wasn't going to be able to fight her way out of it. She would be miserable and to weak to move and be herself.

The look in her eyes said it all.

I loved her and I will miss her. She was the only version of a child I ever had. She was 18 years old and was loved everyday of her life.

I'll miss my baby girl. She had the softest fur, and the sweetest smile. A huge personality and she loved me back.

May God bless her and keep her safe and happy.

The thrill of meeting someone new....

If this is a game, then we are on the hunt. That means meeting is akin to the kill. Or does that come later? (bad pun, but you know me....)

I love meeting new people. And so far I have been more than pleasantly surprised by the gentlemen I have met. They out number the cads by a serious ratio. I love talking about everything and nothing and just being with a new person.

Getting a glimpse of the world through their eyes is exciting. I mean you can talk on the phone, or IM until your fingers tingle, but actually, touching, hearing, seeing, and even smelling someone is pretty euphoric.

Now before you start thinking I'm insane (am I too late?), there is the thrill of a new adventure, the possibility of something wonderful, and the expectation of greatness, when you meet. Who doesn't want to pull up to the restaurant, or coffee shop and see the person of their dreams sitting there....only to realize they ARE waiting for you? And the light of recognition is a thing to behold. The "oh Thank God they aren't quasi-moto" aspect is always nice too.(You can see it in their eyes ...IF you passed muster that is...)

That great first date will set the tone forever...and aren't first dates great in all their awkwardness? It's fun, you can either be the person you want them to think you are...or you can be yourself and hope they can deal.

Personally, I like me, I take me everywhere. And sometimes, dates wish I brought someone else. But women are chameleons in their lives too often. I have finally tapped into who I am, and frankly, now you get to meet her, (Wait come back, I'm not THAT scary).

I'm having a wonderful time meeting all of you. I hope your not disappointed, though I know some of you are. Even the worst dates have a unique silver lining. You left the house, you took a chance, and if not this time, then maybe the next time, the person of your dreams might be there...waiting for YOU. If not you got dinner, and crossed another person off the imaginary list of frogs to kiss before you find your prince or princess.

Me? I find royalty in everyone. I love the diverse and the unique, the strange and the sane, the total thrill of the hunt. Even though my arrows are imaginary, my memories will be forever.

Thank you for coming on my safari.

P.S.~ I'm definitely a catch and release girl.

Sweetness and Light eminate from my......

Aloha! I have been in a pretty dark place lately and my posts seem to reflect a lot of negative, if constructive, energy. I sorely tried to just get some things off my chest and move on...a brain drain if you will. Sorry if you now think I'm a bitter biddy, I'm not. Really, I'm not!So I have decided to write about some things that are a simple pleasure and delight to me when encountered in the "real world".

1) When my hair is blowing in the wind and you sweep the loose strands back behind an ear....
2) When you open my door, pull out my chair, or walk on the street side to keep me safe.
3) Your hand casually seeking mine to hold...anywhere, anytime. And the bonus is the thumb rubbing the back of my hand and you aren't even aware your doing it.
4) Guiding me via your hand on the small of my back, when we are walking, or dancing, or even standing still.
5) Small languid kisses on my neck, and shoulders. Caresses on skin.
6) Gentle deep kisses, while being held in firm, not crushing, embraces.
7) Your smile, and the light in your eyes when you see me.
8) Simultaneous laughter, over anything great or small. Simultaneous wonder at life around us.
9) Teaching me something I didn't know, show me the art of it. Woodworking, History, Flora, Fauna, and more. If it's your passion or hobby, or just makes you happy share it with me...
10) Looking into my eyes and not looking away. Intimacy, is in the eyes.
11) Resting my head on your chest/shoulder, listening to your heart beat. Any position.
12) Comfortable silences.
13) Hearing Children laugh, those gut wrenching, laughs.
14) Blowing bubbles in the wind. Watching birds surf the air currents.
15) Eating messy food and letting it run down my chin, neck, and beyond, especially a juicy Mango...Somethings are made for the bathtub.
16) Holding a baby, walking with a toddler unsteady on his or her feet, and walking with a "big kid", who's hand barley fits across your palm.
17) Staring at God's painted skies, watching lightning storms from afar, listening to the rain hit the ground.
18) Making a kitten purr. Or a puppy's tail wag.

All of these things and more....so many more.

They make me smile, they make me feel cherished, and they are just polite and simple.

Spring is almost here....The hives are swarming.

Anticipation is in the air. You can feel the distinct caress of relationships everywhere.

People are smiling, and relaxing and getting friendlier. All in the hope of meeting someone to be with. It's different from winter dating, where your bundled behind a protective shield of clothing and you can hide your identity behind your jacket. Spring is more exposed. Spring shows its undisguised fangs of desire. Spring wants. It changes the flavor of the conversations to something more riddled with inuendo, and yearnings for more...even just one night.

So I'm saying be alert, the hibernation is over. Put on your best game face and be wary of the "to good to be trues"...they are. The predators are out, and so are the frogs. Make sure you aren't kissing an evil prince or princess.

Spring is a liar, it lures the flowers into blooming, and then freezes them on the vine.

Keep your jacket on just a little while longer.

With meaning and love....